Having been unable to avoid the glut of reality television that festers away on screens all around the world, I decided to have (a very brief) think about what the next step is. Some reality Tv isn't so bad I have decided. It can be entertaining and as one friend of mine pointed out, if you move to a new country where English isn't the first language it can be kind of comforting to be able to understand whats going on in a program without actually understanding the language. Apparently the Americas Next Top Model derivative Germanys Next Top Model is good for this. I hope none of Tyras good advice is lost in the translation though. It would be frustrating if girls in Germany didn't know how to 'get it going on' because of a silly little language barrier. Girl Sie bekam es los!
I also have picked up a bad habit of watching everything that Gordon Ramsey is in just cause I love the swearing and him punctuating every sentence with 'uh' and find the whole thing really funny.
To be honest though its not these type of shows that annoy me so much. Its the shows with the people who aren't famous already, who are trying so desperately to be famous. Big Brother is probably the prime example, but there seem to be literally thousands of them. There is something so skin crawlingly bad about watching grown people act like they are having fun, are 'up for it' and generally acting like the biggest cunts possible in the vague hope that someone will notice them and they will become famous. Whats even more annoying is nearly all of these people have zero talent and zero reason that we should be watching them in the first place. But then somehow (mostly in the UK) they actually do become famous for a time, and I end up reading on the tube about where they have been going out to and who with. Why should I care? I have not the foggiest.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder what these people would be like in a war......probably not for any other reason that I want to imagine them blow up. Sometime it seems hard to fathom why these people think they should be famous, especially when you see the ones on those talent show type deals who actually believe they are really talented and quite clearly are not.
Anyway going on this they really want to be famous notion, a friend of mine thought up a brilliant idea for a big brother like show.
You take a whole lot of people, interview them and then carefully select a group that really want to be famous. You put them in a house equipped with fake cameras, tell them to act up, lock the doors for 3 months and then just not film them at all. The brilliant part is when they come out no one will know who the fuck they are, but they'll think they are national celebrities. Not real reality tv more just reality.
My idea actually involves Tv.
Basically, you get all the stupid, fame hungry, think they have talent idiots like this
and again make them live in a large house. Maybe this house can have big grounds too. You can set them tasks or do whatever you want with them really. Now it sounds a lot like big brother up to this point but the point of difference with my show, is none of it goes out immediately and also you set up cameras in places where you specifically have said you haven't. So they will think there are safe zones. You wait for like three months whilst filming them constantly, you know, enough time to get plenty of footage of them falling over and doing stupid shit. Then you just edit together a half an hour long special of them doing nothing but falling over, bumping into shit, going to the toilet, squeezing zits, Farting, basically anything to make them look stupid. I like the idea of cutting it to the 1970s Dawn of the Dead supermarket music by Goblin. It may sound really childish, but I think all that these blights of society deserve is basically what equates to Worlds Funniest Home Movies.
Besides, people find other people falling over funny. Look.
The bad thing about this is that, in the UK at least anyway, they would probably become famous for it anyway. Cunts.
One other option I guess then, is again, the Big Brother
scenario, but you actually do film them. Every night when they go to bed you move the walls in by say, two inches. It'll be funny watching them get confused and in the end, you have the bonus that they get crushed. Maybe as it draws towards the end of the series we could introduce water everyday too, and perhaps some predatory animals.
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