Wednesday 12 May 2010

Zippo throwing.



I was sick like a month ago and spent the day watching trashy action films. You know the kind. Rambo, Delta Force 1 and 2 and Out for Justice.
It seems to me, if you're either a good guy or a bad guy, when you go to the shop to buy a zippo lighter you must buy them by the case load.
Because man was there a lot of throwing zippos in fuel to cause explosions. Probably like 7 in those movies alone. What weirds me out though is that no one smokes in any of these movies so why the fuck are they all carting around like a hundred zippos each. At least John Mclean smoked in Die Hard. He does a fuckload of zippo throwing.

Monday 10 May 2010

Erasing David



So I was interested in seeing this documentary. The trailer looks good right. Well this is the biggest shit pile of a film I have seen. For starters the guy is a total pussy. He spends 1 night by himself in the wilderness and begins crying into the camera about how lonely he is, so then he goes and checks into a hotel. He is basically the biggest whinging fuckwit ever. His experiment is ridiculous. He seems to deliberately leave clues for his team of crack private investigators to find. The whole thing feels staged, and I can't help but think if you're gonna stage something you should add some gunfights or boobs or something to make it even vaguely interesting. He also decides to do this experiment whilst his wife is seven months pregnant which seems like a bit of a douche thing to do. And he gets caught on day 14 whilst attending a doctors appointment with his wife that they had booked before the documentary was filmed. Way to go David. Your nearly un-trackable.
I mean if his idea of smoke and mirrors to make himself disappear from society is to go to his dads house, then a hotel, then go home to an appointment with his wife, he obviously hasn't watched too many spy thrillers.
Some of the stuff he found out about what information various companies have on you was interesting, but that made up about 2 mins of the film. Also the soundtrack was by Michael Nyman, who is fucking awesome.  The rest of it was watching this big blubbering douche cry into the camera. The funniest thing as well, is he is constantly going on about keeping a low profile and acting like he is sneaking around train stations etc, but he is walking around with a camera on a rig attached to the side of him or a person blatantly sticking a camera in his face. He seems to think that the audiences suspension of disbelief will set in at some point and make us forget the camera is there.
The crack squad of PIs was funny too. They just looked through his rubbish and at his facebook really. They hardly used any super secret government sources of information to catch him. They didn't fucking need too. I mean he seriously would have had more luck  if he had just stayed at home in bed with his head under the covers. They never would have found him.
What scared me the most about this film wasn't government keeping information on us, but whether or not the male population of earth had all become super soft girly boys. I mean, this guy surely couldn't have survived if he was in a war? What would his father think?  I know my dad would kick my ass if he caught me crying like a little baby girl and being scared of noises in the dark. Maybe I will make a documentary about how males are becoming soft due to being spoon fed Sex and the City and told we have to be more in touch with out feelings. I mean seriously, David needs to cut down on the cupcakes and get himself a steak or something. I am not usually this pro manliness, but this guy honestly gave me an allergic reaction or something. I mean as I was watching it I could feel extra chest hair growing.  Men should be like this.



This guy is killing 2 lions at once. He would stab government surveillance. Right in the nuts.